At airport security: Wear knee high boots and make someone pull them off for you. Wear as many chains and buckles and belts as possible. Keep your nipple rings in.
In the kitchen at 3am: Leftover Rice-A-Roni splats from the fridge onto the floor in big orange globs. Eat it with your fingers.
At the rim of the Grand Canyon: Say the word “jump” loudly and as many times as possible.
To be continued.