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Romantic Exhaustion

On Valentine’s Day, I ate a frozen pizza and went to bed at 8:40pm.

There was just too much romance during the day for me to handle.   Picture Leo and Kate, bodies pressed together, flying at the bow of the Titanic… for twelve hours straight.  That’s how romantically exhausting my day was.

First of all, the girl at the Starbucks drive thru was really nice and gave me a warmed cinnamon roll in a box with a fork and napkin. (In exchange for money).

Then I got in an elevator with a young Fed-Ex guy, who seemed intent on staring at his First Class envelope.  Until suddenly he peered up at me from under that brown visor, and said, voice drenched in innuendo, “So how’s your Valentine’s Day going?”  I immediately burst into laughter, then walked out.

The second time I got in the elevator, two older men invited me to come with them to Jimmy’s.  I don’t know a Jimmy.

The third time I got in that same elevator, I had a repeat of the Fed-Ex incident. Only without the visor.

Apparently the elevator = the love box.

Later on, in First Aid certification class, I got to put a middle aged man into a sling.  I wrapped bandages around his wrist.  He looked at me skeptically from under bushy eyebrows.

I then went to Trader Joe’s… need I say more?  Walking into that store is like walking into something by Jane Austen.

I spent the rest of the evening texting people “Happy Valentine’s Day” ironically while drinking ginger tea.  Not sure whether they got the irony.

Also I hate ginger.

Tips on Being a Hostess

I Got Yelped

I’m not ashamed! But good thing I quit. I mean, I was pretty awful.

If anything, I’m grateful that this dissatisfied customer took the time to write this review… in which he later claims that I exhibit the personality of a “Disney animatron.” (Ouch!! hehe) He sparked a new hobby of mine. If only I knew where this fuzzball worked. I’d Yelp him so hard he wouldn’t know what hit him.
http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=GcZ97lfQBo7UlC5ZMh3lwA

A Quick Note on Your Body from Geneen Roth

“When we give up dieting, we take back something we were often too young to know we had given away: our own voice.  Our ability to make decisions about what to eat and when. Our belief in ourselves. Our right to decide what goes into our mouths. Unlike the diets that appear monthly in magazines or the thermal pants that sweat off pounds, unlike a lover or a friend or a car, your body is reliable.  It doesn’t go away, get lost, stolen. If you listen, it will speak.”

I Yelp Because I Care

I Yelp Because I Care (link)

I reviewed Malarky’s Irish Pub on the Newport Beach peninsula! Hope you find it useful!! 😉

– Michelle

Hey Ladies, Special K Saves the Day!

Hey Ladies, Special K Saves the Day! (link)

 

Click the link above and watch this dumb commercial before reading 🙂

There are too many reasons why I hate this commercial!!!!  First of all… the idea that eating chocolate when you’re craving it at night will “undo your whole day.”  Because, of course, every self-respecting woman MUST be counting calories and basing the quality of her days on whether she can be “disciplined” enough to resist “bad” foods. And then, though they don’t say it, they’re suggesting that a woman craving chocolate before bed (a very real scenario) will both a.) eat only 1 recommended serving size of this cereal (who does that, EVER, a serving size is like the size of your fist), and b.) be satisfied afterwards; i.e.: “Gee whiz! My previously all-consuming chocolate craving has completely dissipated, thanks to the magically mini droplets of chocolate sprinkled throughout that handful of cereal I poured into a half-cup of skim milk!”
“The unguilty pleasure.” HA! What is more likely is that women trying to watch their weight will buy this, thinking it’s a healthier option, then eat the entire box in two days. And, finding it a poor substitute for what they’re truly craving, probably eat some Oreos afterwards. And proceed to feel like shit.

Thank you, Special K Chocolatey Delight, for helping to clarify your company’s target demographic – women. In other words, as you so cleverly illustrated, beings who are not allowed to trust their bodies and must maintain a strict regimen of disciplined eating and control of their outrageous, untrustworthy cravings in order to avoid guilt and shame.