Early this morning, after switching on the water heater and picking out her favorite bowl-sized mug, Alika was astonished to find that the label on her tea bag was missing an inspirational quote.
“It was just like any other morning before my 6:30am Vinyasa Flow. I had already done my hair into a fishtail braid, and I was about halfway through my Greek yogurt when I discovered that the mango black tea bag label was completely blank. I was at a loss.”
Sources say she was unable to go through with the steeping, and, as she spent the next few minutes tearing open every tea bag in the box in a frenzied fury of disbelief, the heated water cooled before even being poured. The extent of her severe bewilderment caused her to be only three minutes early to yoga, rather than the usual fifteen, which meant she had no choice but to set up her mat in a dark corner of the room where she couldn’t satisfyingly showcase her magnificent downward-facing dog.
This incident can be traced back to Alika’s daring venture to save a buck or two, when she recently made the switch to Safeway store-brand tea.
“I knew I was sacrificing some degree of quality when I gave up my usual Yogi brand tea bags, but I could never have imagined that would extend to the quotes. The quotes are an integral part of the modern tea-drinking experience.”
Alika is doing her best to move past the devastation of this morning, holding on to the lingering memory of a recent quote printed one of her last Yogi tea bags: “Nothing is too great to overcome.”
(Okay, I know, but the Onion doesn’t OWN news parody…)